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Creating With Confidence


Hey friends.

Let me start by saying this is literally the 7th draft of a post I've been trying to write for a while now. See, it's been a good bit since I've written the type of thing I love to write... the stuff that's real and raw and relatable.

So what's been holding me back?

I could say it's busy-ness. Finals week was insane. I moved out of my apartment in Baton Rouge, back home to Lake Charles, only to move out again in a couple of weeks to Orlando (!!!!<- that's me panicking).

I could say it's writer's block. Whatever that means. Secretly I think writer's block is just an excuse for something deeper holding us back from writing what we want to write. Everyone has something to say; it's just figuring out how we want to say it.

For me, that "something" that's been holding me back lately is fear.

Single & Fulfilled: A Paradox


I never want to feel bad about being single.

That goes for whatever age I am… whether I’m twenty going on twenty-one or forty going on forty-one.

I say that because I think there’s an unhealthy stigma associated with singleness. If you’re single, it’s just a waiting game until you can achieve the nirvana that is a relationship. If you’re single, there’s a reason you’re single. If you’re single, don’t worry… you just haven’t found the “one” yet. If you’re single, please carry around this unnecessary pressure because you aren't getting any younger amiright?

I was raised to avoid dating in high school, because I believe the purpose of dating is for marriage. Naturally I wasn’t ready to get married in high school, so it probably wasn’t a good idea to date then. And I’m truly thankful for that mindset because personally it sure saved me a lot of heartache. I was waiting til college (because that’s where true adulthood lies…).

So I entered college as a freshman, prepared to meet my future husband and date and then get married after graduation. Freshman year came and went, and wow that pesky future husband hadn’t shown up yet. Sophomore year… still forever alone. And here I am, a junior in college, and the horizon for dating is quite empty.

I went into college with an expectation of finally getting a relationship. I had been a good Christian girl, sort-of patiently awaiting my time. And when that expectation wasn’t met, I found disappointment, frustration, and a good portion of self-doubt.

Hi, 2017


Hi, 2017.

I'm excited to meet you, as so many are.

I'm aware that we are already a whole 48 hours in to the new year, so that makes me a little late on posting my New Year's thoughts; but I hope my non-conformity/writing slack won't discredit me.

I'd like to say I don't fall prey to the idea that everything up until January 1, 2017 doesn't matter anymore and the whole "new year, new me" quips; but I do. I do fall prey. I don't think I can help it! There's a full 365 days ahead of me that I can do whatever I want with, and I never truly appreciated that until now. We tend to remember events in our lives by the year, and it's exciting to think that 2017 remains unblemished. There's something so thrilling about "new-ness." Something officially clean of whatever has happened in the past, and the fact that we can claim this year as our own.

But as beautiful as you are my new friend, 2016 was kind to me; and you have big shoes to fill.

A year ago, I was entering 2016 with anticipation and anxiety; for I would be spending exactly half of the year in a place of complete unfamiliarity. But what an adventurous half it turned out to be.

2016 gave me people. It gave me people from Australia and New Zealand and South Korea and all over the U.S. I love those people. I wish I could take every person's hands into my own and communicate how much their friendship is treasured... but I can't because that's literally so many people, and also that's weird.

I'll always look back on this year with a smile, but I won't say it didn't come without heartbreak.

The winter break has given me a lot of time to think, and my conclusion is that somewhere along the way, I lost myself.

The Price Of Authenticity


Everyone wants to be real.

Everyone wants to be authentic and vulnerable and deep.

We all want to skip past the first impressions, the small talk, the acquaintances stage of friendship and dive into the murky unknown of someone's soul.

I see it all over social media...

"I hate small talk. Let's have real conversation about life, your soul, something deep, blah blah blah."

Our society is begging for honesty and realness. We're done with the how do you do's and surface level conversation, and there is a craving for something deeper. There is a strong preference of having meaningful conversation rather than cheap and empty words.

But are we really ready to create the atmosphere of vulnerability that the world is craving?

I don't think so.

The world is crying out HONESTY. VULNERABILITY. AUTHENTICITY.

And yet we're not willing to put in the work to get there. If we expect more than cheap words, we have to be willing to pay the price for authenticity. I think there are two basic roadblocks to reaching our goal.

The War Between Remembering And Forgetting

To the one who can't move on...

I understand you now.

I never have before, and I'm guilty of judging you I'll admit. But I understand your feelings now.

I understand how you are plagued with a vast montage of memories that never seem to quit playing over and over in your head. They dance in and out of your thoughts in the silence of your solitude. Repeatedly they follow an endless track that jerks your emotions high and low like a rollercoaster.

It's hard because those memories hold so much joy, and it feels like your life currently has gone...well, downhill. And of course to climb uphill again means to make new and better memories, but yet you cling to the old ones in fear of forgetting.

How could you forget, you ask? I mean you just said those memories were so full of joy, so how could one forget about them?

Good question.

I guess you don't forget... you just have to push them aside. You feel like your brain can still hold the big stuff - the really fun, exhilarating, happiest moments are locked away in the long-term. But suddenly the details get brushed into the cracks and crevices of the brain to create space for the new thoughts and memories moving in. A fine layer of dust collects over the details that were once showcased at the front of your mind. They don't fade from existence; you just forget they're there. You can't juggle it all - new things, old things - and you feel helpless as the details slip away into oblivion.

Thus begins a war in the mind between remembering and forgetting.

Stuck In-Between



I've never understood the feeling of being stuck in an in-between stage of life more than I do right now.

I've been home for about two weeks now from Orlando, Florida where I spent the last six months of my life. In those two weeks, I've traveled to and from Oklahoma to visit family, back to Florida for a beach trip, and now I'm settled in Lake Charles for four short days until heading to a Leadership Retreat for school.

The busy-ness has been a blessing though... it keeps me from even more heartache than I already feel. My heart aches to be back in Orlando.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to see my family and friends and drive the familiar route from my home to the local Chick-fil-A. But I never imagined the strangeness I would feel from transitioning from the life in Florida to my life in Louisiana. It really does feel like I had a different life the past six months; see, my school and home life intertwine, but in Orlando I started from scratch. Same classic Meg of course, just in a place where I knew next to no one. 

I can't even adequately explain how much my time there has impacted my life. 

I experienced incredible joy, and also incredible loneliness. 

My faith was stretched; I learned to cling to the Lord as my only constant and received undeserved blessings in return. 

So many friendships were formed from around the world, and my heart literally aches to think of all the sweet friends who have enriched my life. I fell in love with the people there, and felt loved in return.

I worked for one of the greatest companies in the world; a company I admire so much for putting absolute excellence into everything they do. The Walt Disney Company inspires people of all ages to believe in the beauty of their dreams, and that's one of my favorite things about them. There is no end to their creativity.

It's so funny... halfway through the summer I was so ready to be back home. But as my time in Florida came to an end, I realized I wasn't ready to leave.

Singing In The Silence


Authenticity is magnetic.

So I want to be real with you right now. I want to share the real, raw feelings I have on my heart. Sometimes they are lovely and full of joy. Sometimes they are messy and broken.

I would have to say I'm very messy right now.

I wrote in my last blog post, here, that I felt like I was walking blindly toward the Lord. I hadn't had a moment with Him in a while; that feeling that I was encountering the presence of God. And I still feel like I'm in that place. Which is hard! It's really hard!

I did pretty poorly on a test I took recently; which began a catharsis of emotions. During our weekly worship service, I had a couple of my friends pray over me; and I had this emotional breakdown. Not just my eyes tearin' up, but full-on nasty crying. And at the time I didn't even know why. Sure, my despicable test grade had me bummed, but in that moment I felt so heavy and burdened. I was weighed down by I don't even know what. My heart unloaded in the only way it knew how: tears.

After journaling it out, I realized where that heaviness came from. I missed being in the Lord's presence. I missed being so near and in tune to Him. I missed being able to feel His closeness and being comforted by that.

Of course I have been in dry places before, where it feels like God isn't with me or speaking to me only. How am I supposed to minister to others and "be a light" if I'm not even experiencing God myself? This place was frustrating for me, because I didn't see the point. What was I supposed to be learning? I wanted the Lord's will over everything. I was spending time with Him, and had just surrendered everything I thought I had. What more could I do?

I asked God to reveal to me what's going on. How much longer would He be silent? Why was He silent?

I don't have all the answers. But after spending time meditating and waiting on the Lord, I think I have the one I need.

For We Trust In Our God - Fall Breakaway 2015

This past weekend I went to a fall retreat called Fall Breakaway by my campus ministry Chi Alpha. We literally "break away" from everything, and escape to a camp in the middle of the woods in north Louisiana. All of the Chi Alpha's in Louisiana meet up to attend sessions by a guest speaker and Chi Alpha staff across the state. We stay in camp dormitories; there are trails to walk and a pond to swim in. And the weather this weekend was absolutely beautiful. The kind that's sunny with a high of 75.

I love this weekend away. I love being surrounded by nature and by fellow believers who love Jesus.





The week before Breakaway was rough... I had a couple of big tests and assignments due that week, so I was beyond ready to escape and rest.

I went to Breakaway last year too, and it was such a sweet time. That weekend Chi Alpha became my family, and I felt connected and loved. I knew what to expect this weekend, and I was expecting great things from God.

It's Okay To Be Lonely

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Sometimes I am lonely.

Not for friends, or company, or someone to talk to.

I am lonely for a "significant other." A soulmate, a best friend with a side of romance. A Jack to my Rose; a Noah to Allie; a Troy to Gabriella. Ah, the plight of singleness.

I know every girl feels or has felt this way before. It's not a new thing, and I don't even think it's something to be ashamed of.

Yesterday as I was walking to class, I passed a couple who were walking and talking together. I just happened to glance at them when their hands met, and their fingers intertwined. And it just stuck out to me because it was so natural, like their hands were made for each other. Like they just fit.

Now I don't even know these people. I'm just creepin'. I don't know what their relationship is like or who they are... I didn't even look at their faces. But in that moment when their hands met, I felt a subtle ache in my heart. I couldn't get this couple out of my head all day. I had this longing for romance; to love and be loved. I wanted that. And honestly, don't we all?

Whenever I would experience loneliness and longing in the past, I would have asked God to take it away from me. I didn't want to go through it anymore; I just wanted it to be gone. Feeling nothing was better than hurting. I was ashamed of myself for feeling this way. I felt like longing for a relationship was weak or pathetic.