For We Trust In Our God - Fall Breakaway 2015

This past weekend I went to a fall retreat called Fall Breakaway by my campus ministry Chi Alpha. We literally "break away" from everything, and escape to a camp in the middle of the woods in north Louisiana. All of the Chi Alpha's in Louisiana meet up to attend sessions by a guest speaker and Chi Alpha staff across the state. We stay in camp dormitories; there are trails to walk and a pond to swim in. And the weather this weekend was absolutely beautiful. The kind that's sunny with a high of 75.

I love this weekend away. I love being surrounded by nature and by fellow believers who love Jesus.

The week before Breakaway was rough... I had a couple of big tests and assignments due that week, so I was beyond ready to escape and rest.

I went to Breakaway last year too, and it was such a sweet time. That weekend Chi Alpha became my family, and I felt connected and loved. I knew what to expect this weekend, and I was expecting great things from God.

last year's car & this year's 

Here were my expectations: I expected to be at rest with the Lord. I expected to feel His presence all around me constantly. I expected to feel unprecedentedly close and in tune to Him because I would be able to concentrate on just Him and me, and I would be surrounded by spiritual everything. No distractions. This weekend would be for me, for my relaxation and rest.

Except, all my expectations didn't become reality. God did show up of course, and I did encounter His presence. But what I didn't expect was to re-learn a lesson as old as time itself: trust in God.

The ever cliche term "trust in God." I know what that means, and you probably do too. I didn't realize that I actually hadn't been trusting in my God. It wasn't until we sang "We Will Not Be Shaken" by Bethel that I was able to concentrate on those words and examine the areas in my life where I had been trying to do it all on my own.

"For we trust in our God and through His unfailing love, we will not be shaken."

This broke me. I got on my knees, my face to the floor, praying and singing these words over my life. I had to surrender everything; all my worries about grades, friends, money. My God would take care of me and provide for me. Not only in material things, but in my relationships. I could trust in the power of His Gospel and in His Spirit to reveal Himself to those who didn't know Him. I could trust Him to fulfill the promises He's made. He's got me. And He's got all the things and people I was worried about. I would not be shaken, because I could trust in my God to be in control.

I had forgotten my source of strength. I was running on empty because I had been worrying and worrying and trying to do everything myself. Well, in case you hadn't figured this out: you aren't a very sane person without relying on the Lord for anything and everything.

Surrender. There is release and freedom there. Believe in the promises that our faithful God has made. Be confident that He who has begun a good work in you is faithful to complete it (Philippians 1:6). I cling to that promise. I trust that He will empower me to do His will. I embrace the love He has for me. Sometimes we just need to let ourselves be loved by Him.

Honestly, I didn't experience the extreme nearness of the Lord as I have in the past. I did encounter His presence, but the feeling of His closeness was not there. Which is okay, because my faith is not based on feelings. It's based on belief and trust in who God is.

This is a new season for me... a season of moving on towards Him in faith. I have this vision of me and Jesus: I'm choosing to step forward even though I can't see Him. Right now I'm searching, hands out in front of me, fumbling. I trust that He's waiting for me in this fog! I don't know what I'm doing, but I trust Him. I just have to reach for His hands, believing He is there. And step by step, I'll become more confident because He's calling me out and reassuring me. I become bold and decisive in my steps as I trust more deeply, until I finally take His hand... and together we run.