I write about singleness a lot, I know. But it's relevant to almost everyone at some point in their life, and something I personally wrestle with often. I've been on a strong kick over the past month or so. I'm not sure if it was something I read or what clicked in my mind, but I've been growing in my desire to change the culture surrounding singleness. It has been so frustrating over the course of my young adult life to constantly be asked if I have a boyfriend as if that's the most important aspect of my life. It is uncomfortable to be talked down to as if my life has not reached its potential because I'm alone. The comments about how great my wedding will be or how any guy would be lucky or how someday my freaking prince will come are all meant in love, I know. I know my family and friends only want me to be loved as they love me.
But I will not be felt sorry for should that never happen for me.
I have not become so extreme that I never want marriage or family, etc. I do still believe those are in the cards for me. What bothers me the most is the thought that until that season of my life comes, it sometimes feels as if nothing else counts. Nothing else until that point matters. A relationship or marriage is arguably the peak of life in our culture today. Don't even get me started on southern culture, much less southern Christian culture... whether subconscious or not, people can't help but feel sorry for someone in their late twenties or, God forbid, thirties who is alone. Though it may never be said aloud, they are automatically seen as less successful, happy, fulfilled, fill-in-the-blank.
I wish I wish I wish I could change the attitude around singleness overnight. It's not even others' opinion of me that matters. I don't hate love or marriage... those who know me know that is far from the truth. What I hate is that there are girls out there who feel the pressure I did and the disappointment and failure that can follow. I know the types of sacrifices and changes that girls will make in their lives because of those feelings. It breaks my heart to hear girls question their identity or their standards because of their relationship status. I hate the desperation and hopelessness. I hate that people feel like a less successful, joyful, influential person than someone in a relationship.
Even my purest desires to reflect Christ and the church in marriage have been twisted around in my heart to become a measure of influence and effectiveness. I am sad for that girl who believes that God is punishing her or not paying attention to her. I once held that belief that I wanted it too much or that my desires weren't pure enough for God to give me what I wanted. It's this misunderstanding of singleness that can lead to a misunderstanding of God, and that hurts me.
Single women need to feel empowered and influential, because they are. I have felt so small and alone before, but I think we let our voices falter and grow quiet when that happens. If only we could look up and see our sisters alongside us that make up the majority.
I can still be all the things I want to be... called to be even, without a husband. In the Old Testament, the commandment was to be fruitful and multiply. But with the new covenant, the commandment is now make disciples of all nations. Jesus has brought us such a gift here. How freeing is that! This whole idea that I need to be married and have children in order to best serve God and live out His commission is sooooo old covenant. I dare someone to even think a thought like that in my direction.
Y'all, I believed that lie for so long. I only let myself dream to the limits of a perfect relationship. Marriage is a beautiful adventure that my heart craves deeply, but for shame if that is all my life consists of. May my perspective be reimagined and my heart be given freedom to cast vision with the God of creation.
I believe God has so much more for me and you, my friend. Whenever I start to feel stuck or restless or overwhelmed, I feel Him gently reminding me of that promise. He has infinitely more for us.
I wish I wish I wish I could change the attitude around singleness overnight. It's not even others' opinion of me that matters. I don't hate love or marriage... those who know me know that is far from the truth. What I hate is that there are girls out there who feel the pressure I did and the disappointment and failure that can follow. I know the types of sacrifices and changes that girls will make in their lives because of those feelings. It breaks my heart to hear girls question their identity or their standards because of their relationship status. I hate the desperation and hopelessness. I hate that people feel like a less successful, joyful, influential person than someone in a relationship.
Even my purest desires to reflect Christ and the church in marriage have been twisted around in my heart to become a measure of influence and effectiveness. I am sad for that girl who believes that God is punishing her or not paying attention to her. I once held that belief that I wanted it too much or that my desires weren't pure enough for God to give me what I wanted. It's this misunderstanding of singleness that can lead to a misunderstanding of God, and that hurts me.
Single women need to feel empowered and influential, because they are. I have felt so small and alone before, but I think we let our voices falter and grow quiet when that happens. If only we could look up and see our sisters alongside us that make up the majority.
I can still be all the things I want to be... called to be even, without a husband. In the Old Testament, the commandment was to be fruitful and multiply. But with the new covenant, the commandment is now make disciples of all nations. Jesus has brought us such a gift here. How freeing is that! This whole idea that I need to be married and have children in order to best serve God and live out His commission is sooooo old covenant. I dare someone to even think a thought like that in my direction.Y'all, I believed that lie for so long. I only let myself dream to the limits of a perfect relationship. Marriage is a beautiful adventure that my heart craves deeply, but for shame if that is all my life consists of. May my perspective be reimagined and my heart be given freedom to cast vision with the God of creation.
I believe God has so much more for me and you, my friend. Whenever I start to feel stuck or restless or overwhelmed, I feel Him gently reminding me of that promise. He has infinitely more for us.
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