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Singing In The Silence

Authenticity is magnetic.

So I want to be real with you right now. I want to share the real, raw feelings I have on my heart. Sometimes they are lovely and full of joy. Sometimes they are messy and broken.

I would have to say I'm very messy right now.

I wrote in my last blog post, here, that I felt like I was walking blindly toward the Lord. I hadn't had a moment with Him in a while; that feeling that I was encountering the presence of God. And I still feel like I'm in that place. Which is hard! It's really hard!

I did pretty poorly on a test I took recently; which began a catharsis of emotions. During our weekly worship service, I had a couple of my friends pray over me; and I had this emotional breakdown. Not just my eyes tearin' up, but full-on nasty crying. And at the time I didn't even know why. Sure, my despicable test grade had me bummed, but in that moment I felt so heavy and burdened. I was weighed down by I don't even know what. My heart unloaded in the only way it knew how: tears.

After journaling it out, I realized where that heaviness came from. I missed being in the Lord's presence. I missed being so near and in tune to Him. I missed being able to feel His closeness and being comforted by that.

Of course I have been in dry places before, where it feels like God isn't with me or speaking to me only. How am I supposed to minister to others and "be a light" if I'm not even experiencing God myself? This place was frustrating for me, because I didn't see the point. What was I supposed to be learning? I wanted the Lord's will over everything. I was spending time with Him, and had just surrendered everything I thought I had. What more could I do?

I asked God to reveal to me what's going on. How much longer would He be silent? Why was He silent?

I don't have all the answers. But after spending time meditating and waiting on the Lord, I think I have the one I need.

For We Trust In Our God - Fall Breakaway 2015

This past weekend I went to a fall retreat called Fall Breakaway by my campus ministry Chi Alpha. We literally "break away" from everything, and escape to a camp in the middle of the woods in north Louisiana. All of the Chi Alpha's in Louisiana meet up to attend sessions by a guest speaker and Chi Alpha staff across the state. We stay in camp dormitories; there are trails to walk and a pond to swim in. And the weather this weekend was absolutely beautiful. The kind that's sunny with a high of 75.

I love this weekend away. I love being surrounded by nature and by fellow believers who love Jesus.

The week before Breakaway was rough... I had a couple of big tests and assignments due that week, so I was beyond ready to escape and rest.

I went to Breakaway last year too, and it was such a sweet time. That weekend Chi Alpha became my family, and I felt connected and loved. I knew what to expect this weekend, and I was expecting great things from God.