Everyone wants to be real.
Everyone wants to be authentic and vulnerable and deep.
We all want to skip past the first impressions, the small talk, the acquaintances stage of friendship and dive into the murky unknown of someone's soul.
I see it all over social media...
"I hate small talk. Let's have real conversation about life, your soul, something deep, blah blah blah."
Our society is begging for honesty and realness. We're done with the how do you do's and surface level conversation, and there is a craving for something deeper. There is a strong preference of having meaningful conversation rather than cheap and empty words.
But are we really ready to create the atmosphere of vulnerability that the world is craving?
I don't think so.
The world is crying out HONESTY. VULNERABILITY. AUTHENTICITY.
And yet we're not willing to put in the work to get there. If we expect more than cheap words, we have to be willing to pay the price for authenticity. I think there are two basic roadblocks to reaching our goal.
One.
We demand vulnerability from others, yet we're not always willing to offer it up ourselves.
Oh, well once this person shares something with me... then I'll feel more comfortable letting them in to who I am. I'll let someone in as far as they let me. I'm a mystery that only a select few can work to solve.
I get it. Revealing who you really are past the surface level and into the beautiful mess is something that's hard.
Life is not always sunshine and rainbows, and we all know that... yet why is that so hard to grasp about everyone but ourselves?
When we are asked the hard questions that present opportunities to be real, we should take them and run! Be willing to share your heart with someone, and nine times out of ten that's what you'll get in return.
Throw away the script we have in response to "How are you doing?" We have to stop hiding behind all the lines we have memorized to present the best version of ourselves, and be bold in stepping out into who we are.
This is something we have to consciously train ourselves to do. I think we've built up so many walls around what we really feel that we don't even recognize that we have walls. It's become natural to remain guarded and to always have a little piece of yourself closed off from anyone else. People are not as mysterious as we make ourselves out to be - someone out there is walking through the same struggle you are. Usually we're not alone in our feelings, but we fail to realize that because we're not open in sharing them.
Two.
Part of evoking raw emotion from people is the ability to usher in an atmosphere of compassion and safety. What that looks like can simply be a listening ear. There needs to be a freedom to express true feeling without the fear of conflict, judgment, or disdain. How can we expect someone to "bear their soul" to us if their soul won't be viewed as beautiful, no matter what they're feeling?
Feelings of disappointment, insecurity, frustration, hurt... those are all real feelings that are avoided and too often smothered by "I'm fine." There's a negative connotation associated with these feelings when it's just reality.
We are beings who are very conscious of what others think or feel about us. Sharing who you are with someone else requires trust that the love and respect that person has for you will still be there no matter what. A relationship will only go as deep as its trust.
I'm not saying every conversation you have has to be heart felt and meaningful. It's actually okay if a conversation doesn't revolve around your connection to the universe or something. We can't discount "small talk" or conversations that aren't necessarily as deep as others because these little talks build relationship. Take comfort in knowing that not all your relationships have to look and function the same way because building up trust takes time.
I appreciate that our society is yearning for meaningfulness. I appreciate that we long to prove we're more than plastic smiles and nice, neat packages that are only skin deep.
But we're kidding ourselves if we expect vulnerability without effort. We're not at that place yet. If we truly desire authentic living, let's be real about being real. If we don't want our words to be cheap, we can't be cheap about our intentions to share words that mean something. We don't deserve vulnerability from people if we're not going to treasure it.
Be honored that someone would share their heart with you, and be brave enough to respond in kind.
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