Hi, 2017.
I'm excited to meet you, as so many are.
I'm aware that we are already a whole 48 hours in to the new year, so that makes me a little late on posting my New Year's thoughts; but I hope my non-conformity/writing slack won't discredit me.
I'd like to say I don't fall prey to the idea that everything up until January 1, 2017 doesn't matter anymore and the whole "new year, new me" quips; but I do. I do fall prey. I don't think I can help it! There's a full 365 days ahead of me that I can do whatever I want with, and I never truly appreciated that until now. We tend to remember events in our lives by the year, and it's exciting to think that 2017 remains unblemished. There's something so thrilling about "new-ness." Something officially clean of whatever has happened in the past, and the fact that we can claim this year as our own.
But as beautiful as you are my new friend, 2016 was kind to me; and you have big shoes to fill.
A year ago, I was entering 2016 with anticipation and anxiety; for I would be spending exactly half of the year in a place of complete unfamiliarity. But what an adventurous half it turned out to be.
2016 gave me people. It gave me people from Australia and New Zealand and South Korea and all over the U.S. I love those people. I wish I could take every person's hands into my own and communicate how much their friendship is treasured... but I can't because that's literally so many people, and also that's weird.
I'll always look back on this year with a smile, but I won't say it didn't come without heartbreak.
The winter break has given me a lot of time to think, and my conclusion is that somewhere along the way, I lost myself.
What does that even mean?
It means I forgot the definition of who I am that the Lord has so graciously whispered to me. I lost sight of my purpose. My dreams. What I like and dislike. What I want from this life. How I treat people. What I believe about myself.
In some areas of my life, I became someone that I wasn't very fond of at the end of the day. I made decisions that lacked wisdom and character.
All of this illuminates the endless grace the Lord has for me. With every slow, unsteady step toward Him, the shell around who I am begins to crack. Ah yes, the core of my identity is found in the open hands of Jesus... where it's always been. I had just looked away and buried it under doubt and selfishness.
And instead of turning me away... instead of looking at my track record and realizing this was my third strike, Jesus invites me to place my hands over His and hold tight. He invites me to cling to the identity that is real and unwavering and only found in Him.
Maybe this vision is weird and doesn't make sense... but I hope for someone it does. I write this with a full, but heavy heart because I know what it's like to feel lost. I know what it's like to feel buried and on the verge of a mental breakdown 85% of the time because you have no idea what you're doing or can't remember who you are. Every decision feels like a mountain. That has been me. But I can say with absolute certainty that the Lord has not been absent in your hurting. Your identity isn't lost; it's safe and rests with the One who defines that identity.
I write all that because it is a new year, and no one should enter in carrying burdens that they don't have to carry. The new year is an "official" opportunity to claim that over your life.
So...
All of that to say, 2016 was good to me. It was made up of tangents a lot like the one above, mixed with adventure and growth.
But as memorable as the year was, I like you already, 2017.
This is the year of my first international mission trip. Actually my first real mission trip at all and my first trip out of the country!
This is the year I will become a senior in college (lol what).
This is the year I will challenge myself to write more. To be sensitive, obedient, and eloquent in communicating what the Lord has to say.
This is the year I now have zero idea of what I'm doing with my life. It's fine. Everything's fine.
This is the year I will be more self-sacrificing. In a world that has become callous to everyone but one's self, I will not lack in selflessness.
Whatever the hurt and trials the year holds, I pray for each one we find joy that manifests twice as much.
Here's to 2017.
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away, behold, the new has come." - 2 Corinthians 5:17
"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light." - 1 Peter 2:9
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