Be Brave And Let Go

I am what some would call a hopeless romantic.

Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday. I'm a sucker for the cheesy rom-coms, as in I will always watch and always cry. I always gravitate to the books with the pretty colorful covers in the Young Adult fiction section, even though I think I'm getting to be a lil old to be reading those. My friend, Reb, and I always listen to Sam Smith together; and recently I had tears in my eyes during one of the songs because it was just so beautiful.

But it's not just fiction that I love. I love stories of love. My first question when I meet couples is how they got together. Who made the first move? How did they know it was love? Jeez, I'm a sucker. And kind of nosy.

I have always been like that. And I think there's a part in all of us that hopes to be swept off our feet into a great love story.

But what if the knight in shining armor doesn't come? Or what if he's not who you thought he was?

Everyone always says that rom-coms create unrealistic expectations for us. I agree, and I disagree. The standard of perfection is a bit much, but it's not wrong to have high standards. We as humans are quite impressionable, so it's actually really important for media to create characters that bring a positive influence to our standards. I like that it's becoming normal for girls to look for their Peter Kavinsky (and yes, that was a plug for To All The Boys I've Loved Before hehe).

But back to the question of what if the prince doesn't come? Or actually, what if he doesn't come back?

Most of us are no stranger to heartbreak. Whether it's been a serious relationship, a crush, or a "thing"; for some reason or another, it hasn't worked out. The pain of being alone is enough to make a heart break. In the movies, the guy or girl always comes to their senses and comes running back. They realize what a mistake they made or their paths cross again as if designed by fate, and there is this crazy, against-all-odds happily ever after.

This is where I think we get stuck.

Maybe that is your love story, and I think that's beautiful.

But the reality is that sometimes they don't come back. They don't change and won't coincidentally cross paths with you at the local coffee shop. And we will waste our lives waiting for them if we don't learn to let go.

Which is really hard and really painful to hear. Even when we want to let go and move on and forget it ever happened, it feels like we can't. What if there's a chance this is the plan all along, and it turns out to be this wild, tragically beautiful love story when they finally come back? So we leave the light on and the door cracked in case they do. We suffocate ourselves with reminders of what has been and hope of what could be. And I think we hold on with a white-knuckled grip because we are scared that they were the "one" or the best we'll ever have. Something, even just memories, is better than nothing. We are so ready to turn in our resignation to always being the girl or guy in love with the one that got away.

If that's you, I hope you read these words and let them sink into your soul until they become real...

You can get over it. You can get through this. You can let go.

These are not magic words or anything you haven't heard before. Sometimes you just need the pep talk to remind you that it's possible. I know what it feels like to be hurt so badly you can't breathe. To feel like you are drowning, to get dragged down just when you started to swim again. To lay awake at night and wonder when your thoughts will not automatically gravitate to that person who broke your heart. And I'm sorry to say it doesn't get easier. With every boy that comes along and walks away, I feel like the pain will last forever. But it never does.

The movies never show us the girl who successfully let go of the boy... or at least the time and the tearful nights alone that it took. They don't show how she deleted social media to avoid the temptation of checking to see what he is doing on Friday night. They don't show how life goes back to normal, which might be the saddest part; because at one point, she couldn't imagine life without him.

I just don't want us to be a generation that lives out of heartbreak. It is a part of the story, but not the whole thing. We have to stop telling ourselves that we will never get over it, that we will never move on. I am tired of girls holding onto heartbreak and making it their anthem as if there is no other choice. I am tired of seeing us hung up on the person who, quite frankly, is not coming back and does not deserve the lead role in our love story. I have to remind myself that this is not the movies, and that is okay. I believe my God when He says His plans are better than the movies.

I know that healing doesn't happen overnight. Unfortunately it's a process with a timeline that is different for everyone. There is nothing more frustrating than feeling like you should be over heartbreak just because someone else says you should be. They are wrong, because maybe it will take a week. Maybe months. Even years before healing comes, but I promise you it will. But I do think healing can start with telling yourself that you can let go. That eventually, you will be okay. That you are strong and capable and independent. You will not always feel broken. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for the other person. It's selfish to hold on when you know they are not yours anymore. 

I believe in you. And I know that the Lord believes in you too. Healing continues with real, honest prayer. I believe He is a Healer in every sense and gives us the ability to live full, empowered lives. He is standing beside you, cheering you on and ready to hold you when it's hard and pick you back up even if you backslide. He is a God that weeps with you and longs to be gracious and compassionate toward you. I know this is an area where I need His patience and grace the most. 

Please don't waste your life waiting. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that maybe it won't be tomorrow, but one day you will be okay again. Be brave and let go. 

You've got a lot of life to live.