Don't Feel Sorry For Me, Darling

Lately I have become the single girls' greatest cheerleader.

I write about singleness a lot, I know. But it's relevant to almost everyone at some point in their life, and something I personally wrestle with often. I've been on a strong kick over the past month or so. I'm not sure if it was something I read or what clicked in my mind, but I've been growing in my desire to change the culture surrounding singleness. It has been so frustrating over the course of my young adult life to constantly be asked if I have a boyfriend as if that's the most important aspect of my life. It is uncomfortable to be talked down to as if my life has not reached its potential because I'm alone. The comments about how great my wedding will be or how any guy would be lucky or how someday my freaking prince will come are all meant in love, I know. I know my family and friends only want me to be loved as they love me.

But I will not be felt sorry for should that never happen for me. 

I have not become so extreme that I never want marriage or family, etc. I do still believe those are in the cards for me. What bothers me the most is the thought that until that season of my life comes, it sometimes feels as if nothing else counts. Nothing else until that point matters. A relationship or marriage is arguably the peak of life in our culture today. Don't even get me started on southern culture, much less southern Christian culture... whether subconscious or not, people can't help but feel sorry for someone in their late twenties or, God forbid, thirties who is alone. Though it may never be said aloud, they are automatically seen as less successful, happy, fulfilled, fill-in-the-blank.

I wish I wish I wish I could change the attitude around singleness overnight. It's not even others' opinion of me that matters. I don't hate love or marriage... those who know me know that is far from the truth. What I hate is that there are girls out there who feel the pressure I did and the disappointment and failure that can follow. I know the types of sacrifices and changes that girls will make in their lives because of those feelings. It breaks my heart to hear girls question their identity or their standards because of their relationship status. I hate the desperation and hopelessness. I hate that people feel like a less successful, joyful, influential person than someone in a relationship.

Even my purest desires to reflect Christ and the church in marriage have been twisted around in my heart to become a measure of influence and effectiveness. I am sad for that girl who believes that God is punishing her or not paying attention to her. I once held that belief that I wanted it too much or that my desires weren't pure enough for God to give me what I wanted. It's this misunderstanding of singleness that can lead to a misunderstanding of God, and that hurts me.

Single women need to feel empowered and influential, because they are. I have felt so small and alone before, but I think we let our voices falter and grow quiet when that happens. If only we could look up and see our sisters alongside us that make up the majority.

I can still be all the things I want to be... called to be even, without a husband. In the Old Testament, the commandment was to be fruitful and multiply. But with the new covenant, the commandment is now make disciples of all nations. Jesus has brought us such a gift here. How freeing is that! This whole idea that I need to be married and have children in order to best serve God and live out His commission is sooooo old covenant. I dare someone to even think a thought like that in my direction.

Y'all, I believed that lie for so long. I only let myself dream to the limits of a perfect relationship. Marriage is a beautiful adventure that my heart craves deeply, but for shame if that is all my life consists of. May my perspective be reimagined and my heart be given freedom to cast vision with the God of creation.

I believe God has so much more for me and you, my friend. Whenever I start to feel stuck or restless or overwhelmed, I feel Him gently reminding me of that promise. He has infinitely more for us.

Today's Win

I had a good day today.

I've been trying to intentionally talk to God on my way to work; and even in just those ten minutes, I see a difference. Ever since a friend of mine from work asked me to pray for her, I have felt this conviction to be intentional... not just say that I'm praying for her, but actually meet with our Father and intercede on her behalf.

Today's conversation with God echoed much of my past requests. I want my coworkers especially to feel heard and loved when they are around me. I want them to feel safe. I want there to be a longing in their heart for a greater Hope. So I ask that my eyes would be open and my spirit sensitive to these types of conversations. It's so easy for me to check out and be mainly focused on how to preserve self.

Just those ten minutes in the car alone with God was enough to keep me thinking about Him throughout my day, which led to a light conversation in the break room with one of my coworkers about his religious background. He saw a post on my Instagram story of a podcast featuring one of my favorite pastors, and we were able to chat about church ministry and his faith background. Nothing forced or uncomfortable.

My heart was singing afterwards! It's these moments that count... No, he did not get baptized in that break room, but these moments in between that let me into my friends' lives just a little further to love them a little better are the moments that matter.

As I get closer to God and He shows me more of His heart for people, I am learning to count my wins differently. Sometimes a door swings wide open, and sometimes we just get to unlock it. It's not always the pivotal moment of salvation, although that is the goal... but it's the baby steps leading there. It's the conversations, the chance to simply be there. Man, it's just handling daily life with people.

Sometimes I'm hesitant to be vocal about my faith because I'm afraid that it will scare people. Or at least cause them to think of me differently and treat me with caution. I am afraid that people will put up walls with me based on their own misconceptions or interactions with religion. It hurts me to think that another poor representation of Christianity might hinder my own relationship-building should my faith be discovered.

But rarely does that happen, and I know these are lies from the enemy. God has been so faithful in bearing fruit in my life, and I'm learning to remember that when fear tries to silence me.

Later in the day, I drove a work friend home, and we had a short conversation on dating and how it's realistic and worth it to wait for a godly man. I'm literally still in shock at how much opportunity the day has held, and I attribute it to those ten minutes spent talking to God as if He was sitting next to me in the car this morning. How sweet is it that our prayers actually matter to God. They are never empty words, but petitions that He not only hears but acts upon. The chance to get our hands dirty and be a part of the story is all around us if we would just remember to look for it.

Where is the Hope?

I am a notoriously nostalgic person.

My mind relishes the past and it's hard for my heart to catch up to where my physical body is. I replay memories like my favorite movie. I think that's why I take so many photos... for the memories. So that when I'm old and grey, I'll have something to remember. It's why I write so much, so as to remember the feelings.

I love the past because it's a good benchmarker for how far the Lord has brought me. Gosh, has He carried me through so much. There is a collection of benchmarker moments for me when I need to remember certain things about God. I can recall them off the top of my head should I ever need a reminder that God is real. He is faithful. He is good. 

I get overwhelmed sometimes with the story He's given me. I see His fingerprints all over my life, and I'm thankful. It makes me wonder about my sweet friends who don't know Him in the same way I do. 

Where is the hope? Where is the purpose? 

I went on a trip to the beach recently with some friends from work, and one night we were talking about our greatest fears (mine is quite literally childbirth for anyone wondering). One of the fears that everyone circled around was not living out their purpose, maybe not even knowing their purpose. My heart broke for them and how scary that must feel. I wish I could give them the Hope that I've found as easily as taking their hands in mine and wrapping their fingers around it. 

Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing enough to share that with them without shoving it in their face. The daily rhythms of the gospel in action sometimes feels so slow. I want the honest conversations that are intentional and sometimes hard and awkward. I'm not going to tell someone how to live their life, but sometimes I wish I could you know? Is that wrong to say, probably. I just think I've reached a point where I've realized that my way is never better. I trust God more than I trust myself; a lesson I've learned through a slew of mistakes. But again, I guess I never would have learned until going through it. It just hurts me to see people I love walk through unnecessary heartbreak when I feel like I'm holding on to a Hope that will save them.