Creating With Confidence

Hey friends.

Let me start by saying this is literally the 7th draft of a post I've been trying to write for a while now. See, it's been a good bit since I've written the type of thing I love to write... the stuff that's real and raw and relatable.

So what's been holding me back?

I could say it's busy-ness. Finals week was insane. I moved out of my apartment in Baton Rouge, back home to Lake Charles, only to move out again in a couple of weeks to Orlando (!!!!<- that's me panicking).

I could say it's writer's block. Whatever that means. Secretly I think writer's block is just an excuse for something deeper holding us back from writing what we want to write. Everyone has something to say; it's just figuring out how we want to say it.

For me, that "something" that's been holding me back lately is fear.

It's the need to have it all figured out. To write the perfect words on how we don't have to be perfect.

Yes, you read that right. I'm a crazy person.

A crazy person who fears that what she creates will be a failure. That it will not measure up to the next person or even to something I, myself, have done in the past. That what I write or make will not matter. That it isn't worth it.

To all the people who call themselves creators (which actually I think everyone is, but that's another blog post), surely I'm not alone. Surely you've been in a place where you feel something... there's a dream and inspiration in your heart, but it stays hidden.

As I've been brainstorming and writing draft after draft, I got kind of frustrated with trying to figure out what I wanted to say and how to say it; and I began bringing these frustrations before the Lord to ask why.

And you know what He said? He was basically like, you have the inspiration. You have My gifts and the Holy Spirit, so just say what you want to say.

Um, what? That's literally what I'm trying to do; but I can't, because what if I get it wrong? *proceeds to list of fears mentioned earlier*

And with love and grace, the Lord pressed upon a piece of my heart that I didn't even know was hurting. Beneath the fears and excuses was an old scar of insecurity that used to tell me that I was a failure. That I did not matter. That I was too much or not enough. That I wasn't worth it.

How is this connected?

Creativity is a form of self expression. In every thing you create, it feels like you're putting a piece of yourself out there to see. And if people respond negatively, it can feel like they're responding negatively not just to your art, but to you. This in turn causes us to react to fear rooted in insecurity.

And so I think sometimes we can unintentionally use the things we're passionate about or good at to help nurse those scars of insecurity that say if my creation is worth something, then I must be too. In reality, Jesus is the only one that will bring healing to our identity and give us the worth that we crave. My whole writing/creating career hasn't been birthed out of insecurity, but a creative outlet can begin to operate out of insecurity when the weight of who I am doesn't rest in Christ.

Alright, so if you've ever experienced a creative block or been in this place of holding back, there's a couple things I'd suggest.

First, I'd take a hot second to find a place of quiet and still where you can talk with Jesus and examine your heart. Find out what it is that stops you from using the gifts you've been given. Is it really just lack of inspiration and motivation, or is it something deeper? Separate who you are from your work and remember that whatever you create doesn't affect your worth. You have intrinsic value because of who you are as a son or daughter of Christ. Once that truth sinks into your heart and permeates every part of your life, take comfort in knowing that whatever you create will hold value because you do.

Second, I would make it a habit to share whatever it is you create. Whether it's words or art or music, own it. Step into it with confidence. The enemy would love for us to remain in hiding if it will glorify the creativity of the Father; therefore we advance in the fight against insecurity when we practice boldness. It might seem weird and uncomfortable at first, but stepping out of our comfort zones takes practice.

God is the one who created creativity... what a unique gift! I am so thankful we are not all the same person wearing the same things, saying the same things, doing the same things. Us as humans are God's most precious creation, from the way we look to the way we think. Creativity is such an opportunity to display one of the greatest characteristics of the Father. It would be a shame to not take that opportunity and run with it.

I do think we should do all things with excellence. If our creativity represents the Father, it should be done to the best of our ability. We just have to be careful not to get in our heads and let Satan give us a hiding place in the name of this concept.

Let's create with confidence my friends. I still experience a tinge of doubt and anxiety when going to share something I've made, even after having this blog for almost two years now. But I experience growth with every step of obedience. The Lord goes before us, and we can trust Him to honor whatever we create in His name.