Powered by Blogger.

Stuck In-Between

I've never understood the feeling of being stuck in an in-between stage of life more than I do right now.

I've been home for about two weeks now from Orlando, Florida where I spent the last six months of my life. In those two weeks, I've traveled to and from Oklahoma to visit family, back to Florida for a beach trip, and now I'm settled in Lake Charles for four short days until heading to a Leadership Retreat for school.

The busy-ness has been a blessing though... it keeps me from even more heartache than I already feel. My heart aches to be back in Orlando.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to see my family and friends and drive the familiar route from my home to the local Chick-fil-A. But I never imagined the strangeness I would feel from transitioning from the life in Florida to my life in Louisiana. It really does feel like I had a different life the past six months; see, my school and home life intertwine, but in Orlando I started from scratch. Same classic Meg of course, just in a place where I knew next to no one. 

I can't even adequately explain how much my time there has impacted my life. 

I experienced incredible joy, and also incredible loneliness. 

My faith was stretched; I learned to cling to the Lord as my only constant and received undeserved blessings in return. 

So many friendships were formed from around the world, and my heart literally aches to think of all the sweet friends who have enriched my life. I fell in love with the people there, and felt loved in return.

I worked for one of the greatest companies in the world; a company I admire so much for putting absolute excellence into everything they do. The Walt Disney Company inspires people of all ages to believe in the beauty of their dreams, and that's one of my favorite things about them. There is no end to their creativity.

It's so funny... halfway through the summer I was so ready to be back home. But as my time in Florida came to an end, I realized I wasn't ready to leave.

And now it feels like I'm stuck in this in between stage of life, waiting for my next big adventure that is my junior year of college. I can't help but wish the days would pass quickly so I can get on with my life and return to some level of consistency. That being said, it's very hard for me to live in contentment right now. I am where I need to be, but it's hard to suppress the longing to return to the fairytale life in Orlando. My prayer is that God would help me to take joy in every day and prepare, burden, excite my heart for the school year.

One of the hardest things I think is finding the balance between not wanting to live in the past, but also treasuring the memories made there. I don't want to forget a single second of my college program, but reminiscing too much makes my heart ache.

One of the hardest things is not becoming anxious about returning to school. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about adjusting back into academic self discipline and social circles. It's been a total of eight months since I've had to study... do I even remember how to study???? Guess I can say the same thing toward the social scene - it's been eight months since I've been a part of the normal group hangouts. It's hard not to question how I've changed and how my friends have changed and how we haven't changed together but suddenly we're going to learn how to intertwine our lives again.

So these are just the thoughts going on in my head lately. The college program is so special to me. Bear with me if I talk about Florida or Disney more than the average person; I just need to talk it out. I don't expect anyone to understand these conflicting feelings (and I say that in the least teen-angsty way possible), I think I'll just need some time to pull myself out of my Disney depression.

peace & blessins,


1 comment