The War Between Remembering And Forgetting

To the one who can't move on...

I understand you now.

I never have before, and I'm guilty of judging you I'll admit. But I understand your feelings now.

I understand how you are plagued with a vast montage of memories that never seem to quit playing over and over in your head. They dance in and out of your thoughts in the silence of your solitude. Repeatedly they follow an endless track that jerks your emotions high and low like a rollercoaster.

It's hard because those memories hold so much joy, and it feels like your life currently has gone...well, downhill. And of course to climb uphill again means to make new and better memories, but yet you cling to the old ones in fear of forgetting.

How could you forget, you ask? I mean you just said those memories were so full of joy, so how could one forget about them?

Good question.

I guess you don't forget... you just have to push them aside. You feel like your brain can still hold the big stuff - the really fun, exhilarating, happiest moments are locked away in the long-term. But suddenly the details get brushed into the cracks and crevices of the brain to create space for the new thoughts and memories moving in. A fine layer of dust collects over the details that were once showcased at the front of your mind. They don't fade from existence; you just forget they're there. You can't juggle it all - new things, old things - and you feel helpless as the details slip away into oblivion.

Thus begins a war in the mind between remembering and forgetting.

Upside-Down Smiley Face

Happy Monday. Insert my favorite, most-used emoji: the upside-down smiley face.

It's me, your favorite inconsistent "blogger" aka someone who posts only when she feels like it or is compelled by the Lord, etc. 

I've been up to a lot of things recently since my latest post, and I thought I'd share some of the highlights in the life and times of Meaghan Mercy. 

Stuck In-Between

I've never understood the feeling of being stuck in an in-between stage of life more than I do right now.

I've been home for about two weeks now from Orlando, Florida where I spent the last six months of my life. In those two weeks, I've traveled to and from Oklahoma to visit family, back to Florida for a beach trip, and now I'm settled in Lake Charles for four short days until heading to a Leadership Retreat for school.

The busy-ness has been a blessing though... it keeps me from even more heartache than I already feel. My heart aches to be back in Orlando.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to see my family and friends and drive the familiar route from my home to the local Chick-fil-A. But I never imagined the strangeness I would feel from transitioning from the life in Florida to my life in Louisiana. It really does feel like I had a different life the past six months; see, my school and home life intertwine, but in Orlando I started from scratch. Same classic Meg of course, just in a place where I knew next to no one. 

I can't even adequately explain how much my time there has impacted my life. 

I experienced incredible joy, and also incredible loneliness. 

My faith was stretched; I learned to cling to the Lord as my only constant and received undeserved blessings in return. 

So many friendships were formed from around the world, and my heart literally aches to think of all the sweet friends who have enriched my life. I fell in love with the people there, and felt loved in return.

I worked for one of the greatest companies in the world; a company I admire so much for putting absolute excellence into everything they do. The Walt Disney Company inspires people of all ages to believe in the beauty of their dreams, and that's one of my favorite things about them. There is no end to their creativity.

It's so funny... halfway through the summer I was so ready to be back home. But as my time in Florida came to an end, I realized I wasn't ready to leave.

More Compassion, Less Of Everything Else

My heart breaks for the city of Orlando - a place I've come to know as my third home.

Three tragedies have occurred in less than a week; the shooting of singer Christina Grimmie, the Pulse shooting with at least 50 lost lives, and most recently, a two year old boy dragged into the water by an alligator and is yet to be found. The loss of life here is great, and it's taken a toll on everyone.

It's been a bittersweet comfort to see the incredible responses of love and support shown by the people here and across the nation. Blood drives are receiving donations past their capacity. Candlelight vigils will be happening soon. Social media is covered in hashtags and pictures featuring #OrlandoStrong and #PrayForOrlando. Theme park characters and staff have taken photos making the heart sign with their hands to share their love and support.

The circumstances of this outpouring of unity are indeed unfortunate. But what I find most unfortunate is that with every post and prayer of support, I find an argument on gun control... a religious debate... a critical lesson on parenting.

Sure, these are important issues that should be discussed reasonably; but think about the purpose of sharing your thoughts on whatever matter it is. Is it just to share your own opinion with everyone else whose minds probably won't be changed over your Facebook status?

Is it to prove that you understand good parenting so that that situation would never happen to you or your child?

Is your opinion really so great that it needs to take the focus off of the most important thing, which is loving and supporting and praying for those whose world is now shattered?