Timelines

Hi friends.

It's been a while. I've been doing the usual busy-ness, but also hard at work dreaming up some fun plans for the future. Spoiler alert: it's an Etsy shop. That's right, I'm going to go ahead and put it out there so that I actually have to do it. And I know it seems like something I should've done a long time ago, but I haven't been ready in every way. Now it just seems like the timing is right... but more on that later. 

Which is why I have and will probably continue to take a step back from writing. Honestly, I haven't seen a lot of growth with this beloved little space of mine. Does anyone even read blogs anymore? It's not that I write for the numbers or fame and fortune, but it's hard to watch something you've worked hard on and feel called to write seem to have less impact than expected. I love writing for the sake of words, but everyone wants what they're creating and putting out into the world to matter. Just keepin' it real here folks. This is the reality of so many bloggers and creatives. 

But anyways, it seems I am consistently learning the value of timing.

I am always so concerned with whether or not I'm doing what is "right" in the current season I'm in. Should I be feeling this way? Am I doing something wrong? Is there more or less I should be thinking, feeling, doing? What is expected of me? And why the heck do I care so much? 

I've always been the type to put myself on a timeline... but living in the post-grad realm kind of blows that out of the water. I know y'all have seen the memes that say your twenties are the strangest age because some people are married and having kids and some are living off of $3 in their bank accounts and some are just wildly in between.

That being said I have a hard time trusting God with timing. Most of the time, I'm in a rush. There's this fear that I have to hurry and grab onto something before it slips through my fingers, and I miss it. Then it's all my fault for not hustling hard enough to get what I want. Sometime I feel like I need to catch up. I've rushed into relationships that way. I've missed the present joys in my life on the hunt for the next big opportunity. I've made decisions about the future for the sake of stability over what is best. 

But I'm learning that no one's "timeline" ever looks alike. 

The timeline of my life has looked nothing like I've expected it to, and yet I know I'm exactly where I need to be. 

If I'm not careful though, the mindset that I have to know and plan every detail of my life will sneak itself back into my brain. As if you didn't already know, I'm a planner. I like to know what to expect so I can prepare myself. 

Recently God has been reminding me that I don't have to have everything all figured out. No one is putting that pressure on me but myself! I think God definitely invites us to ask Him questions and pray for direction. He will always desire community with us, anything that brings us to a dwelling place at His feet. But we have to decide to rest and trust in His provision whether or not He gives the answer we desire. 

In my life, I think God has left so many question marks because He knows I would try and take credit for everything. That whole idea that I have to hurry and hustle through life to get what I want? Yeah, that's fear in my life. The frantic anxiety that follows the feeling of not working hard enough? Personally that is not a signal that I'm being lazy, but that I'm crossing a boundary into a lack of trust. There's a huge difference between working hard and not sitting on the couch all day versus operating out of a mentality of scarcity. Scarcity says I need to plan my life perfectly within the walls of my own capabilities. Scarcity says that God won't provide for me, and I've got to work out of my own efforts to get what I want. And if I get to follow my own plan made up of my own abilities, where does God fit into my story?

As I go through life not knowing what's next or what I'm doing, it creates a dependency on God that I wouldn't have if I could do it all the way I planned it out to be. Even though it feels hard, it allows me to grow and exercise the muscles of faith and discernment. 

So if you struggle with craving the knowledge of what the "plan" is for your life, I'm right there with ya. The struggle of trusting God in all His wisdom and provision is tale as old as time... not because He isn't trustworthy, but because we are human. If we look to His character and who He is, He makes it easy to trust Him.

What a relief it is to know we don't have to rush! We don't have to frantically grasp at pieces of the story that aren't ours yet. Instead we can cheer each other on in gratitude for the pieces God has revealed so far and rest in knowing that in Him we have all that we need at any present time. The best is yet to come.