Hey friends!
I feel like I've been posting quite a bit lately, but mostly about photoshoots. Which I love sharing my creative work with you, and I appreciate all the encouragement and feedback; but I also just wanted to share some updates on what's going through my head.
CHANGE.
I am not a being who deals with change easily... I don't think I know a single person who embraces change with open arms and an open heart. If that's you, could you please reach out to me and tell me your secrets?
For real though. I feel like I will be on the verge of a mental breakdown every day for the next month. I start to think about the people in my life, the community I have built, the personal growth I have accomplished over the last four years.
I have always promised to be honest with you, so here I am people... I am scared.
I love the people in my life. I feel like I've reached that sweet spot in friendship that is comfortable and life-giving. And it's hard not to worry about what my life will look like without them. It's not that I don't think the Lord will provide a strong community for me ever again... I'm just not looking forward to the time in-between.
It's also hard not to believe the lie that says my life will never look as good as it does right now. You know, the whole "I peaked in college" idea. I know that's absolutely not true... it's just that Jesus has given me the sweetest senior year season, and I am scared because I don't know what's next. I know that seasons change, and I know He will be with me and teach me even in the less-than seasons. I know these things, and I know that I sound pretty whiny and pathetic right now.
But this is what I feel.
I know the Lord will come through for me and be faithful to meet me where I'm at; but if you have any words of advice or encouragement on dealing with change, please send it my way!
BE BRAVE.
This thought kind of flows from the first one, but something else I've been asking God for is bravery.
In anticipation of a lot of change or possible hurting of our hearts, I think we will subconsciously put up walls. We back away and prepare ourselves for what is to come in order to "lessen the blow" so to speak. This would be the logical thing to do. This is what my flesh wants to do because I know that leaving the things I love will break my heart; and if I slowly turn away now, it will hurt less in the end.
This is not what love does.
I know this because this is not the way Jesus would look at the situation. I know that He would press in. He would get up close. He would do anything and everything to make sure we know how known and loved we are, even though we will do things that break His heart. He knows that we are worth it.
So that is my prayer lately... that the Lord would help me be brave in loving those around me even if it hurts. Not to the point where I'm insane or mentally unhealthy, but rather as an attempt to live as selflessly as Jesus. It is worth it to love hard and love well.
YOU ARE SEEN.
Something I try to do via social media is always respond to someone's comment, whether on Instagram or Facebook... no matter how insignificant or irrelevant it may seem. I want to be better at exhortation, even if it's just a reply to someone's Instagram story.
It may seem meaningless and small, but I think these are stepping stones to reminding people that they are seen. That they are not just a number in a statistic or a blip on the radar. It's so important to remind people that they hold value in this world. Each person has a story and is entitled to a chance to tell that story.
Every comment we make or response we give can be more than a feel-good ego booster; but an intentional opportunity to say "I see you. I notice you. You are important and worth acknowledging."
Jesus would not allow anyone to slip through the cracks or go unnoticed by Him. I want to always be conscious of ways to do the same in an effort to love as He does.
~~~
So that's what's been circulating lately in and out of the mind of Meag. A lot of thoughts about loving, a lot of questions. Let me know what you think in the comments or in a message, I'd love to hear from you!
I think the hardest thing is to experience emotions fully, even the bad ones. And everytime anxiety comes around it feels worse than the first time and as if life will never be the same, even though it eventually turns out ok or better.
ReplyDeleteWhen I graduated from college in 2016 and moved back to Florida for our CP (and my second one) it was even harder than the first time and I was having intense anxiety everyday for about a month. I would call my mom crying and it was weird because I was 23 and a college graduate, yet I was sobbing about being independent and trying new things and being alone (even when I wasn't). It felt really dumb and weak, but it the moment it never was. Change is so hard no matter what your age or what the change is. But it gives you experience and the ability to learn. Obviously, now I love living in Orlando and my roommates and all the experiences I had and it is now my home. But I had to go through really rough times to find it.
Congratulations on your graduation and good luck with your future. You are so bright and inspiring, only good things can come your way, even if they don't feel like it! There is always a light at the end, so just keep getting up and finding the good in everyday and you'll make it!
Wow, thank you for sharing your experience Kayla... that actually makes me feel a lot better. There's always this pressure to have your life together or know what you're doing; and I think that if I recognize it, I won't feel it but that's not true. I appreciate your words of encouragement, thank you so much for responding!
Delete